I believe that THE most significant thing that you can do in this life is create a relationship with yourself that’s healthy, kind and loving. Period. That’s it. If all you had at the end of the day was a genuinely respectful and self honoring relationship with yourself, everything then would fall into place.

When we lack a rich inner relationship, everything else will be compromised in our lives. Happiness will be found in temporary external things and we will constantly be chasing the small moments of light that we can catch every now and then.

This is not the way you need to keep moving forward, so let’s talk about this topic so you can explore ways to improve the relationship that you have with yourself.

Self worth commingles with self respect, self confidence, self esteem and self love. They all fall under the same umbrella and as you do the work to increase one, the other will follow. Meaning, when you work on gaining more confidence, self respect and self love will usually increase as well.

Let’s tap a bit more on why spending the time and energy to increase your level of self worth is so important.

Our level of self worth is, without a doubt, one of the main factors contributing to how fulfilling our life is and will become. We make choices, create beliefs and accept people and situations based on our value of self, A.K.A. our self worth.

Below I’ve summed up 4 key factors to practice when you’re looking to up level your sense of self. Doing so will bring you more respect, better relationships, more enjoyment, less struggle, more confidence and clarity among so much more.

Aren’t you ready for this!?

Whether it be a situation with a person, place or thing that’s stripping you of your confidence or maybe it’s your own self deprecating voice tearing you down, regardless, I’m going to cover skills for you to hone so things can get back on the up and up.

Let’s do this. Here we go.

4 STEPS TO HIGH SELF WORTH

1. Establish Boundaries (Keep Your Radar ON for Unhealthy People, Places and Things)

Anything or anyone keeping “you small” or tearing you down is essential to pay attention to and do something about if we’re going to get your self worth back on track. After evaluation, if a specific relationship or thing consistently tears away at and devalues you, action is necessary to protect our worth. You might decide to part ways with that other or you might want to start with holding firm boundaries. Both of these actions are communicating something very essential, which is that YOU value YOU. As you begin to “stand up for yourself,” you’re sending the message that you have self respect and will not tolerate behaviors that are chipping away at your self worth. What tends to happen as we hold and are consistent with our boundaries is that people and situations fall away from us naturally because they no longer are a match.

As attraction and like energy are always at play, we’re attracting based on where we’re at. As we begin to hold a higher level of self respect, relationships that don’t have our best interest will have to look elsewhere for their prey. “Later!”

2. Evaluate Your Self Talk

Spend some time, perhaps a day or so, evaluating how you speak to yourself. Really pay attention to that inner voice and listen to what it’s saying. Is it positive and supportive? Or, is it self destructive and, straight up, mean? This will shine a light on the relationship that you have between you and you. How healthy and legit that relationship is will be dictating everything. It will dictate the job you get, the circumstances that you tolerate, the partner that you pick and the general vibe of the life that you live. Everything boo.

If you notice that there’s a lot of “clean up” to do in terms of the messaging of your inner voice, then there’s some work to be done. Without going into to much detail, you can begin to “change the tape” of your self talk by finding a more loving and mindful tone. As you do and with consistent practice you will start to rebuild your level of self worth.

A great question to ask if you’re struggling to decide where you stand on this topic is:

Q: Am I being my own best friend or my own worst enemy?

Changing the script and bringing in a loving and affirming voice will begin to increase your level of worth. Self deprecating behavior is a loud negative message to not only yourself, but also to those listening. (Often our inner negativity is projected outwardly whether we are aware of it or not.) To put it simply, as you project your negative voice out loud, you will be treated accordingly. That’s why life tends to be such a struggle for those of us who have a destructive inner voice.

Hang in there and realize that it doesn’t need to take years to tend to this issue. I’ve had clients that have seen improvement quickly by focusing energy and mindfulness on this area of their life. If you want to shift your tone with yourself and you desire a different result, you can do it. As you do, the feedback that you receive from the world, paired with the positive feelings that you will start to cultivate for yourself, will create momentum and incentive for you to keep going. It doesn’t need to take a long time for you to reprogram old scripts and ways. Truth.

3. Accept That Not Everyone Will Like You in This Life

Finding acceptance around the concept that, no matter what you do, there’s always going to be someone in the room that disagrees or has a different opinion, is key. It doesn’t mean anything about you when someone doesn’t choose you. It’s not personal. Not everyone can be for you. It’s just not how the world works. The world benefits from differences and variety, which also means that if you’re being true to yourself, every now and then, someone is not going to be a fit. As this concept begins to root within, criticism and judgement from others has a tendency to fly off our shoulders with more ease and less analyzing.

Letting go occurs as we learn how to not take things personally.

If you’re struggling with taking things personally, I highly recommend the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. “Agreement Number 2” is “How to Not Take Things Personally.” It’s a quick read and a great reminder of how we can step more into acceptance around this matter.

4. Find and Own Your Magnetism

When I use the word “magnetism,” I’m referring to that thing that you possess (yes, you have it) that’s your natural gift. Your magnetism shows up by how you organically act which makes you who you are and attracts people to you. You don’t have to try with the quality about you that’s magnetic, it’s just apart of your essence. Unfortunately, sometimes life events or people come along that give us the message that we “should” quiet or strip ourselves of that thing. (Please don’t) The problem arises when we actually listen to the external noise of these people and messaging and, consequently, damper our own light.

I’m here to help you turn that light back on babe!

To do so, pay attention to the things that you do with ease. Take note of what others consistently compliment you on. Notice what you do well, without much effort. (This doesn’t mean that your “gift” is an easy achievement, it’s just natural for you.) Your magnetism and natural abilities are often connected to where your purpose lives, so it can benefit you to take the time to investigate this area of your life.

After identifying these aspects, spend time honing these qualities. Give these gifts energy because as you do they will grow. As they grow, you will connect to that place within where your true worth lives. Tapping into this area will turn back on your inner light and your magnetic self will begin to attract accordingly.

Own who you are. By doing so, you will find that positive people and opportunities will surround you and further lift you up.

*Above image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.

Blog | Licensed Therapist | Self Discovery | North County San Diego, CA