We are hard wired for comfort. All of us. That’s why so many of us could feel or be dissatisfied with things in our life, yet resist the process of change. There could be a lot of fear behind doing something differently; Especially when it comes to topics where there’s a lot of uncertainty or high emotion. Behind resistance lies fear. Fear of outcomes we can’t predict. Fear of the unknown. So often, we will take a reality that is flat because it feels comfortable and safe over one that calls us to stretch, face uncertainty and, ultimately thrive more.

There’s fear and on the opposite side of the spectrum lies love.

The truth is that we always have the choice to make decisions based on fear or love. Always. The extent to which we choose fear or love will dictate the overall quality and joy of our life. Becoming more intentional about what element (love or fear) is leading in our lives is a practice that can guide us toward living more authentically and fully.

We define our past and predict our future based on what we know to be true. We humans like things to make sense, and this so is true when it comes to using the past to predict our present and future. What this also does is limit our abilities and outcomes.

We choose what’s predictable, rather than deciding to create a reality that aligns with what we actually really want. When we can’t understand HOW something will come into our existence, we dumb down our wants and put a realistic stance on what we’re going to aim for.

You can argue that this is “practical,” however, the truth is that whatever it is that you believe to be true is creating your reality.

For example:

If you’ve always lived in a certain city or state, it’s hard to imagine life elsewhere; so you stay.
If you’ve always worked a certain career path for years, it’s hard to imagine a career doing anything else; so you stay.
If you’ve always struggled with money and finances, it’s hard to imagine a life without the struggle; so it remains.

Obviously, if you love where you live, are thriving in your career and are working on your relationship with money; there’s no issue. It’s when you truly are not happy, but you stay because doing something different brings up too much fear and uncertainty. That’s what I’m speaking too.

As you have probably experienced for yourself, me included, it’s a wild thought to think of doing something totally different from that of which you have always done. What shows up when we allow ourselves to go beyond our comfort zone is discomfort, resistance & fear.

Expect it. It will be waiting for you there, just like a guide on a tour bus. The trick is to recognize that fear is just an emotion that’s present any time we go beyond our limits. The key is to refrain from entertaining fears anxiety based worry and scarcity mindset. The work is to witness and feel the fear coming up and choose to carry doing your thing and pushing your limits while the fear lessens because it’s not getting your energy.

Putting labels on any person, place or thing because of what has been your experience of it will limit your potential. It will reduce your exposure to all the endless possibilities that this life has to offer you.

Thinking in a way that is led by fear creates limiting conclusions that put people and places into boxes. Boxes limit us.

The way out is to choose love.

What does choosing love do? It softens us. It allows us to be less skeptical. Less rigid. Less controlled. More trusting. More open minded. Less judgmental. More accepting. More capable and willing to surrender.

When we show up embodying love, everything changes. People respond to us differently. The world responds to us differently. A different reaction creates a different response and that creates change in our lives. Overtime, it’s the small micro changes that we take part in on a daily basis that change our lives.

You can’t become more trusting without choosing to trust. You can’t become more adventurous without adventuring, so is true with deciding to be more loving and open in life. You have to choose to be more loving to receive more love in your life.

So, let me speak to all of you out there who are white knuckling it reading these words because you’ve been hurt. Not just slapped on your hand hurt; rather, gut wrenching, intestines pulled out of your inners and thrown to the concrete ground kinda hurt. I’m speaking to those of you who have lost faith, lost trust and have decided that the man made fortress around your heart is a better place to be. You’ve decided to close off your heart because it’s just been too hurtful to keep it open. I’m speaking to you, my friend.

Here are my words to you with acknowledgment that your hurt is real and it’s important to be processed AND, in order to live again, in do time, you must keep trying. You must rediscover your sense of faith & trust (*If you feel that you need assistance in working through your level of grief, pain, hurt, resentment & unresolved issues I suggest professional help. HERE is an article that covers how to find “the right” mental health professional for you.)

Please give opening your heart another honest, true chance. Give yourself another chance at being happy and truly living in this life. Eventually, if you keep your heart and your mind open, something will come along that will help you to see things differently. Little by little, as you stay open, loving and of clear mind, things will continue to come into your experience to help you lay down your inner armor and begin to trust.

So, do you choose love in this life or do you choose fear? They both will always be on the table for you to choose. I can tell you, straight up, what choosing fear will lead you to. Let’s just go over that simply and quickly again; It will limit your experience, the people you meet and ultimately your potential.

You ask, “What will choosing love do?” Well, all I can speak to in order to answer that, is to say that choosing to operate based on love will change your life and bring in opportunities beyond what you can think up. Period.

With all that said, I encourage you to go and find out what choosing love looks like for you. What’s there waiting for you beyond your comfort zone? Only you will know when you go beyond your fear and give love an honest chance. Don’t hesitate to let me know what happens as you do.

Cheers.

Much love, Kim

*Image by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.

Blog | Licensed Therapist | Self Discovery | North County San Diego, CA