How to Cope with the Feeling of Longing
What do you long for?
Is it a person, a place, a lifestyle, an adventure, a level of health……….?
How does longing show up within you? How does it feel?
Does it ache, hurt and cause frustration? Or does it inspire drive and excitement……?
Recently, I had a client reach out with a blog topic suggestion: “I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the subject of longing.”
Ironically, as life would have it, I’d spent the two hours prior to receiving this topic suggestion “trying” to connect with my next blog topic. After a continuous pattern of writing followed by deleting, I decided to close down my computer and remove myself from the task at hand since nothing was transpiring.
(*Life Reminder: Don’t try so hard, when you stop forcing is when the next step is often revealed.)
For me, when I write, or when I do most things for that matter, I need to feel connected and aligned with the topic or task I’m doing. You have my word that I’m never going to write just for content. My writing comes from somewhere deep within that has no agenda and I will not compromise that.
With that said, thank you to my client for this topic suggestion, for it resonates with me in so many ways and the timely suggestion reminds me to believe in the divine timing of it all. Cheers to that.
Now, lets get to the subject of longing. For me this single word is filled with powerful emotions and depth.
It’s a beautiful word. It’s an intense word.
Longing for something or someone is an involved and in-depth experience. It has deep roots and days of emotional gusto.
Whether you’re longing is coming from what you desire to create, a loss of love or what once was, an adventure you’re seeking or a relationship you’re yearning for, your experience of longing can work for you vs. against you. Longing is defined as “a yearning desire.” (I love that.) The intensity and level of emotional charge that a feeling or experience has often matches the level of self growth and change that can manifest from it. Within that space, where the feeling of longing lives, is where you can create some big shifts from within.
“Desire directs energy; and when you are clear about your desires, you are more precise in your creative aim.”
Our lives are constantly presenting us with situations and experiences that we get to filter in any way we choose. Longing can be a miserable and frustrating feeling if we become too focused on what we perceive is lacking. Meaning, getting caught in believing that what we long for is “not” showing up or, worse, ultimately, coming at all.
On the other hand, if we can harness our longing in the form of hopeful desire while keeping our focus toward the something which is on the way, we will allow ourselves to feel excited anticipation vs. discomfort. This presents two approaches to the same emotion, resulting in two very different paths. Believing that what you're seeking and longing for is on its way creates a very different energy than believing that you've missed "the" opportunity.
Also, for the record, you will miss opportunities in life. We all will because that’s apart of the life experience for all of us to some extent. However, if you do feel that you “missed” a significant opportunity, do your best to believe that another one is coming because it is. That is the true rhythm of life; If you miss one boat, another one is surely coming. It’s just the way it works and don’t forget it.
“You missed AN opportunity; not THE opportunity.”
The work lies within where we focus our mind when our sense of longing is triggered. Do we dwell in it? Ache about it? Avoid it? Get depressed about it? Or, do we walk toward it? Do we acknowledge our longing while staying true to our desire? Do we stay in belief that our desire is coming?
Q: What we desire also desire us, right? Wy would we have a desire that has grown from deep within if it weren't meant to transpire?
There’s also the piece to longing that I very much want to speak to, which is the part that can ache so painfully. The part that causes the kind of pain and hurt that you question if you can stomach. As much as I wish I can take away this intensity and level of pain that we can feel at times as humans, I simply can’t. What I can offer is to guide you toward putting attention in doing for yourself which you outwardly desire.
For example, if you desire love; give yourself love. If you yearn for respect; treat yourself respectfully. If you desire quiet; give yourself the space for a peaceful reflection and solitude. In the simplest of terms; give to yourself what you're longing for. There’s always a way to twist what you desire from the world and contort it into a form where you can give it back to yourself. As you do this, you simultaneously, open up the pathway to bring toward you what you want.
This is how you bring toward you what you desire in a super organic way.
Remember: What you give, you get back. Give out what you long for and it shall appear in some way, shape or form.
If you can become curious about your longing and believe that the intensity of it is here to teach you or direct you, that perspective can help you shift the energy around this potentially “tricky” feeling.
Be with your longing. Trust it. Tap into it and see what flows your way. Cheers friends.
For more perspectives & tips check out and feel free to SUBSCRIBE to my youtube channel. Also here’s two books that I recommend to encourage your self growth process. These books could be supportive as you work through your unique feelings around longing: The Untethered Soul & Letting Go.
* The above image was taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson, lifestyle & wedding Photographer.
