Feeling angry every once in awhile is apart of the human experience. However, when anger becomes chronic and effects your relationships and feelings about yourself, that’s when it’s time to look inward. Introspection around why you might be chronically angry can help you unpack what’s going on for you and offer you the chance to gain better coping skills.

I’ve set up this post in a Q & A format to speak to some general questions about why you might be struggling with anger that’s chronic.

What are some reasons why someone might feel angry all the time?

When anger is chronic that often points to an inability to cope with anger in a healthy way generally speaking. (I know this can be obvious, hear me out.) When events occur that trigger an angry response, but anger is something that you’re in the habit of repressing, that’s when emotional residue will build up. When emotions are repressed or not worked through in a healthy manner, overtime that can lead to chronic anger.

Also, a lot of us have a false conception that "being angry" is negative. This causes us further more to hide or not allow anger to be expressed. The truth is that anger is an emotion that needs to be felt. It’s a normal, human emotion.

Anger is tremendously important to pay attention to because it allows us to be aware of when our boundaries are being compromised or crossed. For example, a healthy person will naturally and instinctually get angered when being pushed physically or emotionally in an aggressive or unhealthy way. Anger is meant to trigger our internal alarm system so we can self protect. It’s a very valuable emotion to pay attention to.

Anger becomes negative when the way that we cope with being angry is damaging to ourselves and our relationships.

What mental health conditions might cause persistent feelings of anger?

Anxiety (which is a symptom of focusing on the future) can nurture persistent feelings of anger due to constant worrying and thinking about events that trigger angry feelings. Depression (which is a symptom of dwelling in the past) can allow events from the past to remain “stuck,” which creates "unhealthy residue" within.

Whatever we "suppress" causes depression. A consistent suppression of angry feelings leads to a depressive state overtime. When we continue to dwell on past events that bring up anger without processing the anger in a healthy way, we will not be able to "let go" of the unprocessed angry emotions and, therefore, they will continue to fester within.

What are the consequences of uncontrolled anger on relationships?

Uncontrolled anger will cause major disruption in relationships. When anger is not dealt with constructively, it’s often the reason why a relationship will end in a destructive and negative way. Resentment is what is built overtime when anger is not properly expressed and handled. Passive aggressive behaviors can present as symptoms of pent up anger.

When the event doesn’t match the reaction, that’s a good measure to identify if your anger is stemming from past events and resentments. (EX: “crying over spilled milk.”) Look for “over reactions.” This kind of reaction is often pointing to pent up feelings that have not been processed properly, if at all.

Unhealthy verbal tones, fueled negative comments and aggressive physical reactions all point toward symptoms of anger that’s not being dealt with in a productive way. These ways of being do not allow for healthy communication nor relationships to be healthy and safe.

The ultimate consequence of improperly dealing with chronic anger is damaging your relationships to the point of no return.

Is venting important to cope with anger?

Yes, venting in a healthy way allows emotions to be released. Talking about how you feel in a way where you’re allowing your emotions to be heard and processed is important.

There’s also a fine line between venting in a healthy way and "emotionally dumping" on another, which is unhealthy and draining. Healthy venting entails a person being authentic about how something made them feel. Healthy venting is not complaining. Rather, it's looking at a situation at face value, owning your part and being real with yourself about the feelings that are coming up for you. Speaking about what bothers you in a productive way, allows the space for healthy perspective around the situation so you can move forward and deal with the situation in an emotionally mature, calm manner. Healthy venting is the process that allows you to feel your feelings so they can be processed, worked through and, ultimately, peacefully laid to rest.

5 actionable ways to cope with feelings of anger / There are healthy ways to manage your anger. Here are 5 quick tips:

1 Remind yourself that anger is not negative. It's a natural human emotion. Allow it. It's more about how you deal with and react to feeling anger that’s the potential problem, not anger itself.

2 Allow yourself the time and space that you need to feel your angry emotions so you don't react in an impulsive & unhealthy way. A good rule of thumb: Take some space and time in order to allow your anger to process before you respond.

3 Learn to communicate and express yourself in a way where you honor your feelings so they are expressed and released. Also, the better the communication, the higher chance for the other party to understand your point of view, which can lead to better results in terms of conflict resolution.

4 Be intentional about your self care practices. Think HALT: Meaning, check in with your emotional state. Be mindful if you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? (HALT, meaning slow your roll, stop, pause and take some time to regroup before you react or proceed.)

If you’re any one of these 4 emotions, your reaction to feeling angered will have an extra charge. (Meaning, it will be more difficult to keep your cool because your system is off. )

Having a consistent and healthy lifestyle is huge. It sounds so basic, but it’s 100% necessary in order to be a happy, well functioning person. It’s often the small stuff, that overtime, can make a huge difference to our functioning. Check in with your eating and sleeping habits, alcohol intake and work/life balance. If these areas are “off” it could absolutely be adding to your chronic feelings of anger.

5 Do some introspection and journaling around events from the past that might be triggering chronic anger. Take some time to sit still with yourself and practice some "radical honesty” in terms of what events still have some emotional charge that need to be cleared out. This is vulnerable and takes courage. Look for any unresolved issues that are festering within. Here’s where you might decide that you need more professional help if you feel like your resentment(s) from past events are getting in the way of your functioning and happiness. Here’s an article on How to find the right mental health professional for you.

In wrapping this up, here’s what I want you to know: You could gain a healthy relationship with anger. It’s beyond possible. With intention, practice and the want to shift, it’s only a matter of time that your reaction to angry feelings can change for the better.

*Above image was taken @villapalomajoshuatree by Photographer, Renata Amazonas.

Blog | Licensed Therapist | Self Discovery | North County San Diego, CA