One of our biggest set back’s as humans is getting fooled by and caught up in our version of reality (our “story”) vs. actual reality (the “truth.”)

One of the consistent issues that I see with people (yes, I do this too) is how we can get caught up in stories and assumptions about others and our life events that simply aren’t true. We stress out, get emotional, panic and have anxiety about things that, you guessed it, that aren’t true.

It’s like waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and having to slap yourself back into consciousness while convincing yourself that your dream was “just a dream.” It wasn’t real; it was just a nightmare of your fear coming to life.

When we continuously twist facts into stories we begin to confuse what’s real and what’s false. This is so because as our stories catch momentum, they become incredibly believable. As we whirl in the confusion of being unable to decipher facts from stories, we end up responding based on the story of what we believe to be happening vs. what’s really happening.

As you could’ve guessed it, this is where problems arise.

Are you with me? I hope so. Let’s continue.

It’s like getting really fired up about the friend whose late because you’re in your head (your story) about how they "don’t value your time.” (Assumption and potential “false belief”) Come to find out that they were in a car accident on the way to your house, which is why they were late.

The point of the above example is to show how we can be so convinced that we “know” what’s going on in a situation or with a person. I’ve seen clients in tears and at rock bottom emotionally over a situation that simply wasn’t true. It’s important, even when we think we know, to take a step back until we are solid about the facts of any given situation.

Let’s answer these questions:

How do I identify a story?

How do I know what’s true and what’s a made up projection of my fear?

I got you. Here are some tips around how to identify stories from facts.

Stories usually start with:

I think that…..

He/She probably…..

He/she must have……..

I bet that……..

If you take a hot minute to check out the semantics of the above phrases, they all present as assumptions. Becoming more savvy at separating facts from assumptions will help you greatly. Facts are, well facts. There’s no room for a story with facts. They tend to be shorter semantically. They tend to sound less exciting (unless you put story to them.)

However you’re twisting and turning your life events is going to dictate your reality. It’s not so much about what happens to you in your life, it’s more about your response to it.

I understand how that can raise some red flags…”Kim, what do you mean it doesn’t matter what happens? Of course it does!”

Hear me out, friend.

YES, what you do and what happens matters in terms of the fact that it’s going to affect you. Life events can teach you, shape you, push you down or help you grow. Where what happens to you takes you has a lot to do with you and this is the really important piece to focus on here.

Two people can experience the same exact event and one can go down hill and lose their sense of worth, while another person can find a silver lining and evolve into a better person.

This proves that we do have control around how our life events shape us and define us. We’re not victims to our lives, unless we make that so. Although, I know that it can really feeeeeeeeeeel like it sometimes, especially when circumstances are difficult to wrap our heads around. It’s hard not to feel like a victim when life really dishes you a tough serve, which is where the work is.

I know I’ve watched a man lose his wife of 40 plus years, (the love of his life, mind you) grieve, move forward and create another love story for himself. I’ve also watched a woman lose her childhood sweetheart and “that was that” for her in terms of a love life. Similar realities and completely different outcomes.

I’ve see people who have come from amazing families and opportunities that are struggling to find happiness, meaning, purpose, and a desire to keep on going.

I’ve seen people come from abuse, families with little support and validation, which, ironically, happened to be the key ingredient which allowed them to grow and evolve beyond. Of course there are situations that turn out differently, it’s not black and white. My point is that we’re more in control by deciding what to do with our circumstances rather than by what happens to us.

This is good news, but some of us sink in it because it requires us to own our circumstances. Meaning, take responsibility for our own choices and make decisions for our own life. This can be really challenging when we feel stuck. When we feel lost in all the choices.

Haven’t you ever wanted someone to just do it or figure it out for you? I know I have. I’ve noticed that this feeling is most apparent with the more lost, confused and helpless I feel. It’s that “help me!” feeling.

As I’ve said it before and will keep saying it, nobody and nothing from the outside has your answer. When confusion is over taking you, it’s time to get quiet and dig deep within.

To sum this little ditty up, I’m going to remind you to practice focusing on facts. Every time your clever little mind wants to create some interesting, tangled version of the truth, please grab the reins and pull that brain of yours back to the facts of any given situation.

A fact is a fact. It’s simple. It’s clear. It’s often not “wordy.” Living a life where you’re rooted in the truth of what’s occurring around you and to you will help you make better decisions in your life as it allows you to see more clearly.

As always, if you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading. I appreciate you.

Never hesitate to send me a DM on instagram for topic suggestions or just to say hello! My INSTAGRAM

Also, if you haven’t yet, feel free to check out my YOUTUBE channel. I’m working on videos and content that will be helpful for you. Feel free to let me know if there’s a particular issue/topic that you would like to hear more about.

Cheers!

*Above image is by Renata Amazonas, photographer and creator of @honeyandgarden.

Blog | Licensed Therapist | Self Discovery | North County San Diego, CA