Some of us do the consistent actions and habits that promote our health and happiness with ease. Meaning, it’s natural for us to make self honoring choices, say “No” to others without guilt and carry on doing the things that allow us to grow.

Others of us have become disconnected from what’s really important, which makes it difficult to know what decisions are in our best interest. The more we make choices that go against what our heart wants, the more disconnected we become from our truth.

In a nutshell, we’re either doing things consistently in our lives that are bringing us toward or away from our true selves and best lives. The daily decisions that we make and the way we interact with the world creates not only how others see us, but most importantly, how we view ourselves.

Not that this is going to blow your mind, but how we view ourselves is huge. It dictates the quality of our lives.

Whatever we believe to be true about ourselves is what will be reflected back to us. How we view ourselves will create the results that show up in the form of opportunities and relationships in our lives.

Our sense of self, also known as our self esteem, comes from listening and honoring our truth, respecting ourself, creating boundaries and connecting consistently to what’s calling us.

Going toward the people, places and things that fire us up is what creates our happy.

Since how we feel about ourselves is directly linked to our level of happiness, here are some tips to find & maintain balance as well as authenticity in life.

1. Find Your Balance

Everything seems to find its way back to the concept of balance. How we balance “all the things” in life will dictate how our life unfolds. In order to stay in balance requires us to be pretty savvy organizers of our time. A large part of prioritizing is weeding out what isn’t serving us. We respect our time and boundaries when we eliminate what’s not adding to our experience. Consequently, we’re also sending out a powerful message to the world via what we tolerate and keep around.

We will get what we allow, whether we like it or not.

What to let go of can be hard to see because what served us in the past, might not serve us any longer. Old habits die hard, right? Although, clarity can be found by actions like journaling or chatting with a trusted friend or therapist about what to let go of and what to hold onto. Sometimes an outside source can help us see our blind side or a different perspective.

2. Ditch People Pleasing

People pleasing is such a mega trap to happiness. Many times, in order to find our happy, we have to disconnect from a false belief that saying “No” is inconsiderate. Here’s the deal; This is your life and anyone who truly values you and loves you will understand your “No.” They have permission to dislike your “No,” but they won’t disrespect it or punish you for it if it’s a healthy and loving connection.

Saying “No” is our way of mentally prioritizing.

Saying “No” by setting boundaries and making clear choices is how we value our time and the time of others. I know that I’ve created a lot of confusion when I’ve been so concerned about disappointing someone that I’ve come off unclear by avoiding a direct expression of “No.” Ironically, I created more frustration, for both myself and others, by not being straight up.

It’s a difficult task to know ourselves well enough to weed through all the options that life presents while making clear decisions about how to spend our time. Although it can be confusing, it’s possible to hone the skill of prioritizing and honoring what serves us best with practice.

3. Go Toward What You’re Curious About

If we want to bring playfulness into our lives, paying attention to what interests us will lead the way. Our curiosity is our north star. It’s that simple. If you have no awareness around what you like or what interests you, start with the basics: Chocolate or Vanilla?

If that’s where you need to begin; So be it; Just start somewhere.

Today there’s tons of pressure around “knowing your passion.” Please remember that passions begin with a simple curiosity at first, so just go toward what you prefer and things will roll from there.

Life is like a scavenger hunt. If you follow your curiosity you will be lead toward people, places and things that serve you. Having a clear knowing of what you’re looking for will help you find it with more ease and clarity. Although, if you’re not clear, don’t fret; Just notice the things that turn your head and capture your interest. Those are signs, directing you toward aligned opportunities and people. You will build momentum in your life as you consistently act on your curiosity, which will bring like minded things to you and so it goes from there.

4. Stop Trying to Figure it Out

Man, this is such a biggie.

So many clients come to me looking for answers while trying to figure it all out. When we’re sitting in the frustration of trying to figure things out, we’re blocking ourselves from seeing the simple clues that are right in front of us. When we’re fixed on a solution, we’re limiting our experience in the NOW. You can find relief from your frustration by realizing that you don’t need to know the HOW. Meaning, you don’t need to know HOW things will show up and present themselves in your life. This is so hard for those of us who are hard wired to find the solution. (I get it, believe me.) This is the practice of letting go, surrendering and allowing. Ultimately, our job is to go toward the things that we enjoy and as we do, opportunities will present themselves. With less resistance, we will be able to see the opportunities presented before us with more ease.

5. Pay Attention to How You Feel

What we eat, who we spend our time with, how we move and treat our bodies and what environments we put yourselves in all dictate how our lives will unfold. What we ingest on an internal and external level is creating our expeience.

Life is a constant exchange of energy.

In the most basic way of stating it, we’re either digesting good vibes or bad vibes. The noises around us, the conversations we’re participating in or overhearing; It’s all energy that we’re taking in and processing. For worse or better. Being more aware of how the specific people, places and things that we’re choosing make us feel will help us make better future choices.

If we feel unfulfilled in our current reality, there are small things that we can do to begin the process of change. The concept of momentum is always at play within our lives. Momentum is defined as the “driving force gained by the development of a process or course of events.” One thing always leads to the next. As we keep our minds and bodies in a positive space by doing the healthy things we know to do, no matter how big or small, momentum will build and do its magic in our lives. With less resistance, the ball will start rolling and change will begin to take place. Just. Like. That.

Living a life that we desire and choose does involve being open, courageous and having trust or faith in something bigger. The above steps can help peel layers of resistance so we can get the momentum rolling in our lives which will guide us to the next page or chapter.

*Above image was taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego based lifestyle & wedding photographer.

Blog | Licensed Therapist | Self Discovery | North County San Diego, CA