It’s that time where many of us are awaiting the new year to focus on an area of personal growth. (Correct me if I’m off on this, but I’m assuming if you’re reading this blog that you’re looking to grow, evolve and expand in this life.) 

What’s that thing that you want to do differently, ditch or bring into your life? 

Get in better shape, spend more time in quality connection, have more fun, be more present, date differently, develop a morning routine, get in nature more, stop drinking, stop giving your energy to others that don’t respect it, and so on….

This is all great. I’m all for anyone deciding to make changes to expand their growth. However, (I hate to say it),  According to a study conducted by the University of Scranton, just 8 percent of people achieve their New Year’s goals and the day that it starts going downhill is January 12th.

Grim stats, for sure.

I don’t say this to take the wind out of your sails. Let’s get clear on something: 

I want you to win friends. 

I’m saying this because I want to talk about an approach toward change for you to consider that can help you create long term change vs. a short lived fix. I want you to create a lifestyle shift that can lead to ultimate change for your life. Something far beyond a 2 week try on.

First things first. Lets distinguish the difference between a “fad” (aka. diet) and a “lifestyle” change. To sum it up, a fad is a short lived change, where a lifestyle shift is exactly what it sounds like, it’s a change that becomes apart of how you live your life and who you become. 

For example, there’s a difference between a person who lives a healthy lifestyle and a person who goes to a health retreat for two weeks and is “healthy” while they’re at that retreat. Unless that person continues the actions and habits that they learned from their time away, after they return home their experience will just have been a two week “fad” in trying on healthy.  Well intended, absolutely, however to see long term results a change needs to become apart of how you live your life.  

I know this is not brain science. Although, it’s so incredibly common for desired change to end up in a fad vs. a lifestyle change. Becoming crystal clear about this reality and intentionally choosing a change that’s realistic with where you’re at is key.

Setting yourself up for success all begins with the pickings my friends. This requires raw honesty with who you are and what you can commit to (at this time). For example, if you worked out every couple weeks in 2020, to state that you’re going to hit it hard physically, 7 days a week in 2021 is a pretty hefty leap. I’m all for your physical betterment. However, it’s important to be real with yourself in terms of where you’ve been and what’s a realistic goal for you moving forward based on where you are now. Deciphering where that sweet spot is and picking a change based on your current reality will set you up for success.

There’s surface change and there’s change where you’re willing to clean up under the rug because you’re truly ready for a new lifestyle or way of being. If you’re looking to thoroughly clean shop, it’s important to hone patience and commitment. Long term change also requires a good honest look at the surrounding factors in your life. Some changes might push you to look at the company you keep, or the relationship that you’re in, or the way you spend your “down time.” 

If you’re looking to get in shape but your social circle drinks a lot and gravitates more toward the couch than a day outdoors, this will be a block toward your goal of better overall health. This is not to say that you have to ditch out on your relationships. (It doesn’t need to be black & white..let’s get away from that rigid way of thinking, shall we?) However, what will naturally occur, if your friends continue to drink and sit around and you remain true to your goal of activity and health……..relationships will organically divide. 

If you’re truly looking for a more healthy version of you, the past lifestyle of drinks galore, sleepless nights and minimal activity requires a lot of new small choices that will result in a lifestyle shift over time. This can threaten some relationships and, chances are, it will highlight the relationships where this old lifestyle was the glue that kept the relationship alive. Some people will be thrown off when you don’t show up in your old way; pre change.

Many times we fear the change we desire because on a subconscious level we know that the personal shift that we crave will effect our personal relationships or threaten some other area of our life.

Our reputation. How people see us. What will the Jones’s think? (Please don’t worry about the Jones’s friends.)

This can be difficult and it can be the reason why we have resistance toward change. It could be the reason why we bite our lips and keep going per usual even though there’s a fire burning deep from within that wants something new.

This is where choosing a change where you’re willing to face the consequences is everything. What are you willing to commit too? What are you willing to face in order to get the change that you desire? A big shift to your health, let’s keep going with this example, requires many more choices to be made beyond how much you exercise or what you eat. There’s far more at play to your overall health than working out or a healthy meal here and there.

Pay attention to the small steps that create the end result. It’s important to focus on creating cohesion with your lifestyle. Habits that align create a cohesion of self. 

I see far too many people get disappointed when they “fail” at their desired change. (Although, good for you for trying! ) What can save you from disappointment here is choosing a more realistic goal for where you’re at. A goal that’s challenging, but not over the top for where you’ve been living. It’s human nature for us to bite off more than we can chew. Having more discernment as you make personal goals for yourself will set you up for greater success.

With the final days of this year approaching, cheers to all my people who are thinking of ways to grow and evolve in the new. Here are some quick tips to review to support any upcoming goals.

Tips to Stick With Desired Change

Don’t put too much on your plate. Less is more. Set a goal where you can practice focused attention. A goal that you have enough time, energy and a true desire to commit too.

Focus on one shift at a time. A goal often is composed of many different steps. One step at a time friends. Patience and due diligence will get you there. However, major shift usually doesn’t happen overnight. Good things tend to take more than a day. Let’s get real.

Make sure your goal matches your truth. Pick something to help your expansion that aligns with who you desire to become. Not who you wish you were. Not who your partner wants you to be. Not who your parents want you to be. Who YOU want YOU to be. Pick something that you’re called to shift based on your true essence. Be authentic with yourself that you’re ready to put in the time and energy to create a change and go after your goal. Check in with yourself and be transparent about having the appropriate level of commitment for the desired change.

Ask yourself: Am I looking for a lifestyle shift or a temporary change? Either one is fine by me, just know what you’re setting out to do because those are two different forks in the road. Are you looking for a temporary change or a change for the long haul? Again, it’s up to you. Just know what you’e signing up for.

Thinking about these these tips can hopefully help you grow in a way that’s tangible and challenging all in one. That’s the sweet spot. Wishing you all the best in the new.

Here’s a MEDITATION to help you cultivate and find your vision for the new year.

Above image by Photographer & Creator of Honeyandgarden, Renata Amazonas.