Ruminating, dwelling, worrying, regretting….you know all that warm and fuzzy stuff that makes you feel oh so amazing. 

Kidding.

Let’s get on with it and talk about why the constant looping of worry and anxiety that dwelling creates is just no good while covering ways to stop the suffering.

Boom…. Here. We. Go.

The term dwelling is defined as, “to think or talk about something for a long time.” Sounds innocent, right?

Well, when that “something” is a painful or difficult experience that we can’t seem to let go of and it continues to race around in our minds day after day, it’s actually pretty harmful to our mental health.

We can get lost in dwelling upon something, whether it be a person whom we lost, a situation that “didn’t go as planned,” and ultimately, we can dwell on believing that we’re living a life that’s just “not working out.”

(Needless to say; not a good vibe.)

If we’re stuck in this way of thinking, no matter how many good things come our way, we won’t be able to see them clearly. Even if we do see the light at the end of the tunnel, it will be a struggle to be open to “new” possibilities with our tainted lenses. This is so because when we’re stuck dwelling, we don’t have enough capacity to latch onto the fresh and good things that appear. Our heart space is way too cluttered from all the madness that’s going on up above in our heads. (Are you seeing how this can be a bigger problem than originally thought? I hoped so.)

(Brief Interruption) Speaking of the heart space, for all you crystal lovers and believers of the attractive energies that natural gems exude; here’s one of my favorite stones to help eliminate dwelling and connect you to your heart chakra.

The Power of Chrysoprase

“If the storm clouds of anxiety and fear start rolling in and gale-force winds shake the shutters of your natural tranquility, it's time to call on the Chrysoprase crystal meaning and its association with the heart chakra. Its relaxing and serene vibes help cool off intense emotions when the storm of anxiety hits, especially if you place it over the heart, a healing crystal layout that helps soothe an overactive nervous system. The activation of this energy center allows for a stronger flow of healing energy through the heart, which not only boosts circulation on a cellular level but also brings you closer to living from the heart and embracing universal love.”

-Energy Muse website

Visit my crystal jewelry at KIM EGEL JEWELRY

Back to dwelling…..

One can destroy their life by constant dwelling. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Wherever you are in your head, meaning however you believe things to be, aka: your perspective, is what’s going to dictate the quality and reality of your life.

Your energy is created from within. What you exude via your energetic field, is what will be felt by others. Your energy, your essence, is the material that everyone and everything will be working off of. It has a specific vibe, for worse or better, every time you interact with another.  

Have you ever been in a really good mood, then met up with a friend who was having a bummer day and immediately your energy plummeted? If you’ve ever had this experience, this is exactly what I’m referring too when I talk about “your energy” shifting based on what comes into your experience and how you interpret it. What “energy” we bring to each day is the main factor in how we’re received by people and life itself. 

Let’s talk about how we can eliminate our ability to dwell via mind control. I like the term, mind control, because it’s not some fancy psychological term that’s confusing to understand. It’s exactly what it sounds to be. The art of controlling your mind. There’s energetics, science and a practice to mind control.

*If you’re interested in hearing more information on this topic, check out a powerful PODCAST about this topic with Dr. Joe Dispenza & Lacy Phillips

I often get questions from my clients such as, “How do I stop my worrying? How do I stop lopping?

I got you. First, let’s go over three foundational steps for you to be aware of and to practice in order to combat the “monkey mind” and, ultimately heal your hurt. The healing of deep wounds is what will truly bring peace to your heart and stop the surface symptoms, which present as anxiety, worry and constant dwelling.

Take the below in because it’s presented so simply, yet it is “the work” that’s required in order to be free from the chronic loud and busy mind.

1. You must let the pain visit.

2. You must allow it to teach you.

3. You must not allow it to overstay.

— Ijeoma Umebinyuo, 3 Routes to Healing

Easier said than done, I know. However, this is a practice that will require your patience, as the process of gaining more control of your mind will take time, especially if there’s a solid habit of dwelling. Pain is uncomfortable, yet, if you can bare it and see it through, then it can pass. If you don’t take the time to feel your pain, heal it and get past it; Your pain will be your ghost, my friend. Let’s not allow this to be.

Here are 2 Tips to Help You Eliminate Dwelling

1. Practice Focused Attention

What is “focused attention?” In a nutshell, focused attention is the brain's ability to concentrate its attention on a target stimulus for any period of time. With practicing focused attention we can begin to be more conscious of where we allow our minds to go. When we dwell we usually end up at that really miserable, spun out place where we proceed to go down the rabbit hole of intrusive and looping thoughts.

As we consciously pay attention to our thoughts, actions and behaviors and bring them back to a balanced position, we are teaching ourselves to eliminate the mental looping by practicing mind control. You might need to refocus yourself 10 or 100 times before you feel any sort of difference. If you hang in there, it’s just a matter of time that you’ll notice less worry, less ruminating and less dwelling.

2. Dwelling vs. Being Pro Active

There’s a major difference between dwelling vs. being proactive, so let’s define what the difference is?

When we’re pro active, we’re actively looking for positive solutions. Even if there’s a big fat problem looking at us in the face, a pro active approach is where we utilize positive problem solving skills. On the other hand, dwelling is where we ruminate on “the problem.” We might keep saying one liners about “how horrible” it (the issue) is without any sort of optimistic solution or end. Dwelling keeps us stuck and leads us to feel like we’ll never find relief. Dwelling also tends to support “worst case scenario thinking,” which is very self deprecating in itself.

Keep your eye on the prize and remember that there's always a way out. There’s always another sunny day. There’s always a solution, whether you can see it from where you’re standing or not. Trust friends. Keeping a trusting heart will help you think more pro actively in general.

Cheers. I hope this post was helpful and supportive for you. No more ruminating and dwelling. It wears well on nobody. Your ability to be present and appreciate the little things will greatly heighten if you can ditch this beast of a habit.

*Image by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.