Disappointment is a feeling I really struggle with. I don’t like feeling it; who does?

Yet, I realize and believe that our emotions act as messengers, trying to awaken us with insights and truths. With a recent disappointment under my belt, I was called to do some inner searching in order to find some perspective.

In my heart of hearts, I know that there’s something for me to grow and learn from because of my strong discomfort of disappointment. I realize that I’m not alone here, after all, why would anyone want to be disappointed? I’ll go out on a limb by saying that I don’t think many of us do.

This blog post was inspired by a youtube talk with Tony Robbins who laid out a helpful way to look at the concepts of happiness and expectations. Click the link to listen to the talk, if desired. I’ll do my best to paraphrase and hopefully pass on some perspective to you that I found helpful.

The feeling of unhappiness is a result of believing that your life is not where it should be.

If you think you should be in an intimate relationship, and you’re single you will feel unfulfilled.

If you think you should have a different financial situation then you do, you will feel disappointed.

If you think you should be further along in your career than you are, you will feel lack.

If you think a friend should respond to you any differently than they’re responding you will be frustrated.

Bottom line is that anytime in life you think something should look differently than it actually appears or shows up to be, you will experience disappointment.

Boom. It’s that simple.

We all tend to have an area or areas in our life that we struggle with. It can be our health, relationships, career, family life, financials, etc. Whenever any of these areas don’t meet the expectations that we put on them we will feel anything from discomfort to total pain and suffering. It depends on how far off our expectation is from how something or someone has panned out to be.

What can make matters worse for us is when we feel like we have no control over our current circumstance. Feeling like there’s nothing that we can do to change our mind space or actual external circumstance will really push us over the edge and leave us stuck and disappointed.

Although here’s the reality………..

Friends, there’s always something that can be done to find a more happy state. This is so easy to forget, especially when an event or period of life feels so permanent, stagnant and disappointing. Please remember this especially when you’re stuck and can’t find a way out.

A way out is always there, you just can’t see it yet when you’re in it. Believe this.

If that’s what unhappy is, then what’s happy? Let’s now turn toward the light.  

The feeling of happy shows up when your external life matches how you think it should look.

When your health is where you believe it should be given your expectations, you will feel content with that area of your life. 

If your career is going how you believe it should and you’re making the amount of money you believe you should, you’ll feel good about that area of your life. 

The bottom line is that any area of your life that’s going as you believe it should based on your expectations of how you believe it should be, will bring you feelings of satisfaction.

Knowing what constitutes happiness and unhappiness is a huge advantage because our awareness around these concepts will help us to feel more confident about changing our state when we feel stuck.

Thanks to Tony Robbins, here’s some awesome and straight to the point feedback about how to cope when life doesn’t meet our expectations. You can either:

Change your story of how you believe your life should look. (Change your perspective.)

Change your life, meaning take an action and do something to externally change your life.

Usually change and the road to feeling more content requires a bit of both. Another concept to think about is that we humans have a tendency to think that we know what needs to be happen in order to feel good about our life. The reality is that we don’t always know the exact ingredients or path toward our idea of happy. Proof of this comes in the form of the person who appears to have it all, yet remains unhappy about their life.

Life is not logical. You can’t figure it out by thinking it out. You have to get out there and live it. There’s no exact and direct path toward your unique happy, but you’ll find it if you keep adventuring.

When you stay in the game, life will surprise you if you allow it too.

All in all, this is such a rich topic and my hope is that the above has helped you think about your own life and expectations that may be blocking you from feeling more joy. It’s amazing what a perspective shift can do. Often, when you change your perspective your awareness heightens and you become more in tune with the inspired action to take that will lead you to make a change for the better.

Keep looking. You will find your happy as you keep your head in the game of life.

• Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson.